


i'll hold you close (you'll help me stand)

by glazedsun



Series: Stigmatized [8]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-18 06:51:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3560213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glazedsun/pseuds/glazedsun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bobby and Jonas have their relationship discovered by the media. Together, they have to make it through the aftermath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'll hold you close (you'll help me stand)

**Author's Note:**

> story title from alex band's "never let you go".

April of 2011 was shaping up to be the worst month of Bobby Ryan's life. 

Oh, sure. It started out great. Not only did the Ducks work their way into the playoffs, but wound up with home ice advantage and a fourth seed, something that no one had expected of them with the way the season had begun. Things began going south once the playoffs actually began, though. They dropped game one in an almost embarrassing fashion, just barely managing to avoid being shutout. The second went better, a five goal affair including two goals for Bobby. It was quickly overshadowed, though; their hard work ignored for a split second stupid decision resulting in a suspension.

Bobby was doing alright with it, and dealing with the reaction from the fans, until his father was brought up. Something inside of him broke when he was compared to his father in that way. Even as he went to retweet the comment, he felt his hand shaking. Bobby swallowed thickly, glad that he was alone in his hotel room. He needed to compose himself, get his act together, but he felt like he had the wind knocked out of him, the words echoing in his mind, changing and twisting. _Get away with what your father couldn't. You're no different than he is, you'll wind up doing the same thing._ He proceeded to block people and tweet about other things in an attempt to change the subject and seem like it wasn't bothering him as much as it was. Even as he did so, the more that he thought about it, the more that Bobby became upset. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and refusing to get worked up over some jerk on the internet. 

Just as Bobby was beginning to calm himself down, he felt a hand on his shoulder, which caused him to jump. "Sorry," he heard a gentle voice say, feeling the other man's thumb caress his shoulder.

"It's okay," Bobby murmured, turning away from the desk he'd set his laptop up on to look up at the face of his lover. "I must have been lost in thought, I didn't even hear you come in."

Jonas nodded, leaning over to press a kiss to Bobby's temple. "You were. How are you doing?" Bobby just shrugged in response. He didn't want to talk about it, but he didn't want to be dishonest to the other man. It was better to just not say anything at all. Jonas looked at the laptop, trying to get some insight into the younger man's feelings. He saw the tweet, and his face immediately darkened. For a brief moment, the normally laid back goalie saw red, feeling a rage that he had rarely felt before. He swallowed it down, not wanting to have it affect Bobby further. "Chungel, we need to get you off the internet," he announced, keeping his voice as calm as he could manage. 

Bobby considered protesting, then turned back to the laptop. Another flood of tweets had come in, some supportive and many more insulting. "Let's get out of here," he said, eyes narrowed as he closed the laptop. He stood up abruptly, turning toward Jonas. "I don't care what we do, I just need to get out." 

"We'll find something to do. Get your mind off things. Don't worry," Jonas offered, wrapping an arm around Bobby's shoulder and pulling the younger man into him. For a moment, Bobby hesitated, but melted against the man that he loved. They stood like that for a while, Jonas wrapped around his lover, Bobby's face buried in the crook of his lover's neck. No additional words were spoken, but Bobby felt protected by his partner. He was safe in Jonas' arms. 

After a few minutes, Jonas pressed a kiss to the top of Bobby's head. "Come on, let's go find the other guys. I'm sure at least some of them are out and will be willing to help distract you." Bobby just nodded, pulling himself away and following Jonas out of the hotel room.

Once they met up with some of the team at a small honky tonk bar, the night seemed to fly by. Around the guys, Bobby was able to loosen up, and forget about his father. The laughter flowed more than the beer, the conversation was easy and light, and Corey even obnoxiously serenaded Bobby until there were tears of laughter running down Bobby's face. Eventually, the numbers began to dwindle down, the majority of the team needing their rest for the game the next day. It wasn't long until only Jonas, Bobby, and Corey were left around a table that had once been crammed with ten hockey players. They had calmed down quite a bit, and were talking in the softest tones they could manage in the still loud bar. Each was nursing a beer; Corey and Jonas were on their second of the night still, while Bobby was just starting in on his fourth. It wasn't like he had to play the next day anymore, he reasoned with himself, and besides. He wasn't really feeling drunk, just relaxed. And that's what he needed. 

As the conversation continued, they became more relaxed around each other. Perhaps slightly too relaxed, considering they were out in public at a crowded bar. Not a single member of the trio thought anything of it, though, as Bobby leaned in a little too closely to Jonas. Not a single one of them thought anything of the way that Jonas smiled down at Bobby, his eyes lighting up. Not a single one of them thought anything of the way that Bobby reached up to brush a curl away from Jonas' face, finger lingering. Not a single one of them thought anything of the way that Jonas nuzzled into the touch, practically purring until Bobby let his finger fall, and they both turned their full attention back to Corey.

Most importantly, not a single member of the trio noticed the man in a Predators hat, phone in their air, discreetly filming the entire exchange.

-

The next morning began with Bobby, and the team, blissfully unaware of the troubles that were laying ahead. By the time practice began, the video hadn't yet made its way onto Twitter or Youtube. Bobby was swept up into practice, with something to prove. Yes, he had made a poor decision. Yes, in doing so he may have screwed with the team's chances at moving on. It was a mistake, though, a decision that he would make sure didn't happen again. He was still important to the team, still wanted to work as hard as ever despite not being able to play. Maybe he didn't have to prove it to Carlyle and the rest of the team. They knew him. It was more proving it to himself that he wasn't going to let the suspension, and the comments from the public, get him down. He was a professional, he wasn't going to whine about it. He was going to take it, move forward, and prove himself when he could. 

After practice ended, he took his time getting off the ice. Bobby worked through solo stick-handling drills, then began to shoot at the empty net. He continued with the drills until he heard his name called. Bobby looked over at the entrance to the rink, seeing Jonas leaned over the boards. "Come on, Bobby. You're going to miss the bus if you don't leave soon." 

Bobby wrinkled his nose, sighing. He didn't want to get off the ice, but he also didn't want to get in trouble. "Alright. I'll just clean the pucks up and come change." Jonas nodded, giving Bobby a knowing smile before disappearing back down the hall. Bobby sighed, considering just staying out there and dealing with it, but in the end he went about doing what he had promised. Once the pucks were safely deposited in the crate they had come from, he glided off the ice, making his way into the locker room to change. It had emptied out, the rest of the team already on the bus. It was quiet, and Bobby took a moment to just revel in that. _The calm before the storm_ , he found himself thinking, then was immediately confused. Before what storm? A bad feeling settled in his stomach, but he ignored it to quickly change back into his suit and run out to the bus, ignoring the grumblings of his fellow teammates when he took his seat next to George. He made a face at Beleskey when Matt started mocking him, letting out a soft laugh. The laugh sounded genuine, but it felt anything but. He couldn't shake that bad feeling that came over him in the locker room, and he didn't like it one bit. Bobby refused to act like anything was wrong, however, and instead focused all of his attention back to his teammates. He helped George with a couple clues on his crossword, then joined in with Lilja in ragging on Sexton, who had bit the dust not once but twice in practice. It was a short ride back to the hotel, but it was enough that Bobby was able to successfully push that feeling of dread to the back of his mind. 

The rituals stayed the same when they got back to the hotel, despite the fact that he wouldn't be playing. He and George both settled in for their pre-game naps, not saying much to each other as they did so. In the few years that he and George had been rooming together, they'd quickly developed both their individual routines and a combined one. The two of them were a bit of an odd pairing, but Bobby loved rooming with the older man and knew that George was fiercely protective of him. Bobby frowned to himself as he lay in bed, thinking about it. Why was this coming up? That sinking feeling of dread immediately came back up, but he tried to push it away. Nothing was going to happen, he told himself. Everything would be fine. He nodded against his pillow, forcing his mind to think of other things. _Cats and Jonas_ , he thought. _Nothing makes me feel better than cats and Jonas_. He finally fell asleep to images of his lover curled up with their cats, a small smile on his face.

His sleep was restless, and he spent the few hours drifting in and out of sleep. His dreams left him with an uneasy feeling, though he couldn't remember any details from the dreams. Even though Bobby's alarm hadn't gone off yet, he found he couldn't fall back asleep so he sat up with a reluctant sigh. He climbed out of bed, careful not to wake his roommate up. He checked Twitter, but didn't see anything that should ring any alarm bells. Bobby shook his head, letting out another soft sigh. It was probably just a bad feeling because he wouldn't be able to play, to help his team out no matter what happened in the game. Yes, that had to be it. He couldn't think of any other explanation. 

Because the game was a bit earlier than normal, there wasn't much time between the naps and heading to the rink. Once he was there, surrounded by his team, Bobby felt a little better. That feeling of dread had faded, and he was swept up in the usual pregame activities. 

As the game began, Bobby made his way up to the press box with the rest of his fellow scratches. He took a seat next to Jonas. "Feels like ages ago since it was you and me fighting for a spot on the team," Bobby murmured to Jonas, thinking back to their days of playing in Portland together. 

"You're awfully brooding today," Jonas laughed softly. "Does feel like it was a lot longer than just a few years ago, though," he conceded, bumping his elbow against Bobby's. Bobby just offered a sheepish smile, shrugging and concentrating on the game that was just about to start.

With his attention focused on the game and fellow teammates, Bobby didn't bother checking his phone. If he had, he would have found out that what had been an innocent night out was about to become their downfall. The video had made its way to Twitter, and, by the halfway point of the first period, was spreading like wildfire. Fans, bloggers, and the media had all stumbled upon the video, which managed to prove nothing while proving everything.

Unaware of the predicament they were in, Bobby and Jonas didn't help matters. There was a false sense of security there, surrounded by their teammates and in a private area. Though they weren't overly flirtatious, there was enough. Cameras were trained on them as soon as people in the building caught wind of the situation. Every once in a while, attention on the broadcast would turn to Bobby and Jonas. Bobby, who was whispering into Jonas' ear. Jonas, whose face was lit up with a smile as he joked with Igor, fingers ghosting absently over Bobby's knee. Another series of gentle, intimate moments, caught on tape. Together, they were all enough to fuel the rumors. 

Rumors, which were unfortunately proven true by the middle of the second period. During a television time out, Bobby pressed against Jonas' side, holding up his iPod and showing Jonas a video he'd downloaded. They laughed together, and Jonas leaned to whisper into Bobby's ear, his lips lingering against the skin. Bobby closed his eyes and shuddered, then turned to Jonas. The cameras were able to read his lips, clear as day, as he murmured an "I love you" to the other man.

It wasn't much, but it was enough.

Even by the time that the game was over, a loss that they had no business being so close in, Bobby and Jonas weren't aware of what was going on. It wasn't until they were making their way down to the locker room that Bobby actually read through some of his text messages. His eyes widened, and he stopped in his tracks. "Oh, my God," he whispered, not even feeling it when Dan walked right into him. "Oh, my God," he repeated, hand shaking. He nearly dropped his phone, but Andy reached down and caught it before it hit the ground. He looked at the phone to see what had caused the reaction from Bobby.

"We need to get down to the locker room," Andy said tensely, wrapping an arm around the shocked forward's shoulders and leading him as they resumed walking with everyone else. 

"What is going on?" Jonas asked, his voice shaking with worry.

Andy just shook his head, and the group of hockey players remained in tense silence until they walked into the locker room, rejoining the rest of their team. The locker room was more silent than usual when they walked in. It was in part because of the loss, but also because there was no media present. It was unsettling, and few people in the room actually knew why. 

"You two, with me," their GM said, voice tense as he pointed from Bobby to Jonas. Jonas' eyes widened as he looked over at Bobby, but he remained quiet as he dutifully followed the other two out of the room and down the hall. Murray led them to a trainer's room, where it would be quiet and private. He motioned for them to sit in the chairs that were there, and stood in front of them with his arms crossed over his chest. He stared at the two terrified young men, remaining in his position before letting out a sigh and shaking his head. Instead of talking, he reached over to grab a laptop that was sitting there, pulling up the videos. He first showed the video that had started it all, then a few clips that had been shown from the game that night. 

Neither man had seen the videos, and by the time they were finished, both were incredibly pale, looking like they wanted to vomit. 

"I don't know what to say," Murray finally spoke up. Jonas and Bobby looked at each other, terrified, before looking back at their GM. "It kills me that this," he gestured to the computer, "is how it all happened. Something so... _innocent_." He shook his head, clearly angry.

"I'm sorry," Bobby quickly spoke up, his voice tiny. "If... if I'd known, it wouldn't have happened. I swear. Please..." he trailed off, not sure what exactly he was pleading for besides _don't let this be the end of our careers_.

Murray waved the forward off. "I know. Look," he sighed, "I think you both know that this is going to be a PR nightmare. We are standing behind both of you. You mean too much to this organization, both as players on and off the ice. We'll do our best to keep this as calm as possible. We can find a way to deny it, if you want."

"No," Jonas spoke up. "It's already out there. Denying it would only make it worse. I," he hesitated, looking from his shocked lover to the equally surprised GM, "I love Bobby. I don't care if the world knows it." He reached over and took Bobby's hand, squeezing it. Bobby just nodded, squeezing Jonas' hand. 

"Alright," Murray said, nodding a little and rubbing at his temples, already anticipating the constant headache he'd have trying to deal with it all. "I'm not allowing either of you to talk to the media tonight, though. And Bobby?" Bobby chewed on his lip, wondering briefly just how much trouble he was in between the suspension and now this. "Stay off Twitter tonight." 

Bobby blinked in surprise. It was not the reaction he was expecting. "Yes, sir," he murmured. 

Murray nodded, rubbing at his temples once again. "I'm going to leave you two here while I go talk to the rest of the team. Give you two a moment alone." He sighed again. "Just don't let it be too much of a distraction. We have a playoff series to win."

While Murray left to address the rest of the team, Bobby and Jonas just turned to look at each other. Neither of them spoke for a moment, they just stared at each other. They each wore identical looks of shock and fear. "Fuck," Bobby finally whispered, moving his chair closer to Jonas. "Fuck," he repeated, turning his body and leaning forward so he could hug Jonas. Jonas turned as well, wrapping his arms around the other man. 

"I love you," Jonas murmured, reaching up to stroke Bobby's hair. "No matter what we have to go through. I love you." He pressed a kiss to Bobby's forehead.

Bobby nodded, whispering, "I love you, too." He pulled back, swallowing thickly. "What do we do?" He asked, reaching up to play with Jonas' hair. It was something that always soothed him enough to keep him from freaking out too much. 

"I don't know," Jonas replied truthfully. "It all depends how everyone reacts. We just have to... stick together. And hope our team will stand behind us."

"It's not the end, right?" Bobby asked, his voice small.

Jonas leaned in to press a kiss to the top of his lover's head, trying to reassure the other man. "Of us? Absolutely not. Of our careers? I don't know. I don't think so. It didn't sound like Bob was going to stop us from playing. If other people can't deal with it, that's their problem, not ours."

Bobby nodded a little, trying to keep the urge to vomit at bay. "Except for the guys in our locker room. What if they don't want to be on a team with both of us?"

"That's for the guys in the office to figure out," Jonas murmured, hugging Bobby against his chest, desperate to do anything that he could to calm down the other man. Jonas himself was caught in between terrified and still in shock, but he had to be strong for the younger man. They couldn't both crumble, and Jonas could sense when Bobby was barely holding it together. "Most of the guys already knew, or at least guessed. You know that. It'll be okay, chungel. It won't be pretty from everyone else, but from our team... I think we'll be okay."

Bobby took a deep breath and nodded. It took another two deep breaths, but he was able to push both the urge to vomit and the panic to the back of his mind. He was ready to face the team. "Okay. Let's get this over with. I love you."

Jonas gave Bobby a sad smile, pressing a kiss to his temple this time. "That's my Bobby. I love you, too." He let Bobby stand up before following suit. He wrapped an arm around Bobby's waist, allowing the other man to lean into him for support. They walked the short distance down the hall like that, no longer caring. They were already outed, what was the point in standing an arm's length from each other?

-

The rest of the team sat on edge while they waited for their GM to come back. Some of them had begun to change, but most still sat in their gear, jerseys the only thing tossed aside. Even Carlyle was silent, despite having an idea of what was happening. When Murray walked into the room, all of the guys sat up straighter, any nervous, idle chatter dying from their lips. 

"It seems," Murray finally spoke up, his voice slightly strained, "that Jonas and Bobby have been found out." The immediate reaction from the room was a mixed one. The newest guys wore a look of confusion, many others a shocked look, and for guys like Luca and Cam, who knew of the relationship, it was a look of fear. "Video from their night out is all over the internet," Corey paled at that, "and even though it's barely showing anything, it could destroy their lives. Especially after the game tonight." Now, there were actual looks of confusion on everyone's faces. "None of us, especially Bobby and Jonas, realized that there were cameras on them almost the entire game. A few moments were televised. Everything pretty much just looked like casual flirting, until they caught Bobby," he paused, looking around the room, gauging their reactions as he finished, "telling Jonas he loved him." The entire room was silent, and everyone inside wore various degrees of shock on their faces. No one so much as moved as the information sunk in. Some in shock that the relationship had been found out, some in shock that there even was a relationship. When no one spoke, Bob decided to press on. "As expected, the media is frothing at the mouth trying to cover this. I've already spoken to Bobby and Jonas, and neither of them are going to be talking to the media tonight. We will be sending a few of you out," he turned to direct his attention towards the three captains, "but again, I don't want to talk to the media about this tonight. Not until I've gotten to talk to the PR team." A few of the guys nodded, but still no one spoke. "Teemu, I'm sure they're getting anxious, why don't we go try and distract them." Without hesitation, Teemu stood up and headed out of the room after Murray.

The room let out a murmur of sounds, but they didn't last long. Their coach was the next to stand up, ready to address the team. "This is going to be a tough time for all of us, but especially Bobby and Jonas. I don't want this distracting any of you from what happens on the ice. These games are crucial. But what's even more important is looking out for those two." There were a few nods and murmurs of agreement, but the usually rambunctious men still remained mostly silent. "I will not tolerate any kind of homophobia in this locker room, and if anyone has an issue with that, they can come to me privately. We are a family here, and Jonas and Bobby are members of our family." 

"Ducks fly together!" Cam called out, then instantly turned red. The rest of the guys turned to look at him, then all either grinned or began to laugh. 

Bobby and Jonas had walked in just as Cam spoke up, and Bobby walked over to the young man, wrapping an arm around his shoulder in thanks. "I just want to apologize for all this," Bobby said, ignoring the protests from the group around him. "I don't want this to change things in the locker room. Hillsy and I have been together for six months now, and we've always done our best to keep it separate from hockey. I guess that's no longer possible anymore, but it's not a distraction for us, and I hope it won't be for you."

This time, it was Getzlaf who got up to speak. Bobby gave him a slightly wary look. While things had gotten better between them, they still had their moments where Bobby just wanted nothing to do with the older man. He trusted Ryan in that particular moment, though. In the locker room, he had to. "You two have my support, and I hope the rest of the team. We need to support Bobby and Jonas, first and foremost. Helping them through this is more important than anything else. But don't forget, we still have some Predator asses to kick." 

A cheer went up from some of the guys, and then things began to fall into a more normal routine. Ryan headed out of the locker room to help Teemu out, while the rest of the guys continued changing and getting ready to leave. The chatter was subdued, but it was better than the eerie silence that had fallen over the room previously. No matter what happened in the outside world, Bobby felt safe among his team, and that was huge.


End file.
